While social media can garner a lot of flak for the unforeseen negative side effects it can result in, one thing I think that has been a positive outcome is the way in which it is able to be a storytelling platform. Recently, it seems as though this trend has taken upon an essence of radical transparency as more and more people are coming out with their authentic selves, fully vulnerable, explaining the process of what brought them to where they currently are. Inspired by this, I would similarly like to share my story. It is my belief that writing can be a vehicle for helping heal, as being vulnerable with yourself is often the first step towards that. As I learn through writing out my story, I hope it similarly helps others be brave enough to define their authentic selves. Without further ado, the journey of how I stepped into my role as a Holistic Physical Therapist.
I am broken, and now unafraid to admit it. I first realized that something was not exactly right following the birth of my daughter, which I have been able to see introspection into over nearly the last decade. She was a healthy baby, with the exception of a few allergies, and generally she was in good health, but apparently, I was not. I cried a lot, didn’t sleep well, felt depression flowing through me daily. The anticipated maternal ease just wasn’t coming to me, and I simply was not happy.
That, in itself, was difficult to face. I judged myself as a bad mother from the beginning of motherhood, until I discovered Transcendental Meditation. I studied with Bob Roth, who has taught TM for over 40 years to thousands of students, including well known celebrities. Well, I thought, now I am drinking the Kool-Aid to “happiness.” TM was, and continues to be a tool I practice daily, however; it wasn’t the singular answer I was seeking at the time; the answer to my prayers of finding happiness, as I defined it.
As years went by and my daughter’s personality evolved, I saw her as highly opinionated, energetic, hyper-active, cranky, difficult to please, and the list goes on. I wonder who she takes after? And so my journey towards finding a happy place continued. When we bought a house and moved to Norwood, NJ, a suburban town in Bergen County, I thought that having more space (to hide), and sending her to a good public school would make life better and happier. Unfortunately, things only got more real for me in the sense that my anxiety was now through the roof.
My prayers were temporarily answered with the practice of Yoga. As a 20+ year Physical Therapist, I was always in good “physical” shape, but that didn’t mean I was in good “psychological” shape. It was through a daily practice of Yoga for 18 months that I discovered how “broken” I really was. A lot of my decisions and choices over the last 20+ years were in response to my brokenness. They were choices I made to run away from the truth, my truth. I allowed my sense of ego to hide the truth. I perceived that having a Master’s Degree in Physical Therapy, traveling to beautiful places around the world, starting a family while maintaining a career, dining out in fine restaurants, or owning nice things would make me happy. I distracted myself with work, parties, and alcohol. I was addicted to exercise, food, high profile projects, and kept a busy schedule with an extensive to-do list. In terms of personal relationships, I was co-dependent and attached to the idea of being in a relationship and later marriage, and carried a misperceived definition of motherhood and an incorrect perception of what it means to be a true friend, daughter, and sister. I had high expectations of myself and others.
This changed when I made the best decision of my life for myself and signed up for Yoga Teacher Training Level 1 at Bliss Yoga Academy, with a woman whose teachings changed my life forever. It was a 10-month commitment for 6 hours per week in a sacred space where I could be me. But who was I? What was my identity? Without attaching myself to the idea of being a mother, wife, daughter, physical therapist, what was my spirit without all of the labels?
Over the next 10 months I practiced Yoga (asana, meditation, pranayama), and did some introspection, but I still wasn’t there. I got a glimpse of my Spirit, but not the entire picture, so I signed up for another 11 months of Yoga Teacher Training Level 2. It was towards the end of this program I realized that my spirit was asking for simplicity, conscious awareness of being present, letting go of the past, and the future, quiet times without extensive “to do” lists. In order to connect with that peaceful place that exists within us all, I needed to have a daily Spiritual Practice which was beyond showing up to a Yoga class, meditating, or journaling.
I needed to change the DNA of my Energy Body, which is done through the practice of Reiki, a sacred Japanese technique for stress reduction and deep relaxation that promotes healing of prior physical and mental trauma, supports mental clarity, and spiritual well-being. It raises awareness in and around the physical body where negative thoughts and feelings are contained. This causes the negative energy, such as stress, anxiety, physical pain, sadness, confusion, and other feelings and emotions to loosen its grip, allowing the touch of the Reiki healer to swoop in and clarify the energy pathways. Since my Yoga Teacher Trainer was a Reiki Master, I studied and got certified with her Usui Level I and II Reiki, got atunements, and was on my way to a Spiritual Journey where I had no idea what was waiting for me on the other side.
As I head up the mountain, I’ve had to let go of a lot of material and worldly baggage and expectations of myself and others. I am learning how to be still and present with my thoughts, feelings, and emotions as they pass through me daily, instead of avoiding, running away, or distracting myself with various forms of distractions which used to make me feel better temporarily. I face my demons and shadows daily, but one thing I know for sure is that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing, including helping others find their true spirit.
As a Holistic Physical Therapist, I evaluate and treat the entire person, not just the localized injury. It’s the all-inclusive approach – mind, body, and soul – that creates the environment for optimal healing to take place. I see everyone for at least one hour, one on one and provide them with support in between visits.
If something within my journey seems to strike a chord for you, or you have any further questions, I am more than happy to connect. Feel free to reach out via my contact page.